Why is it that most couples end up in therapy or counseling of some variety when their marriage gets so confusing and painful that they can’t bear it themselves? There is an assumption that a third party will somehow be able to save a marriage by doing some of the work. So, how does this really work for them?
Many people go into the sessions expecting someone else to shoulder some of the work of getting the marriage back on the road of happiness. This is an unrealistic expectation as no one can do the actual work that leads to the restoration of a marriage besides the married people themselves.
People that go into their sessions expecting the therapist or counselor to validate their own thoughts and feelings and fix the problems that they see in their mate are the ones that come out disappointed. What a therapist really provides is objectivity, not validation. The mindset has to be different if this approach is going to work for the couple.
You both have things that you do completely right and other things that you are screwing up. The job of a couples therapist is to help you sort out the real issues from the futile so that you can fix this mess you mutually created.
The issues that must eventually be brought to light during therapy are the ones that lie beneath all the petty squabbling. A husband may argue to death that his wife never cleans the house but the real issue is likely that he feels she does not love and value him enough to keep the house clean for when he comes home from work. That is the issue the therapist cares about.
Under every petty argument is a deeper issue.
Couples who go into therapy knowing that finger pointing is useless and they both have their own flaws have a higher chance of success. Both people have to be willing to put their own defensiveness aside and just listen to one another.
A husband who flies off the handle because his wife says she is lonely may shout out that he has to work because she sits at home with the kids earning nothing. This is defensiveness that prevents him from really hearing that she is lonely. This is what doesn’t work.
That is extremely hard to do, but if you can both force it at first then things will get easier. You have to remind yourself that the other person’s problem doesn’t always mean something negative about you. If you can do this, then chances are high that you can save a marriage through counseling.
Learn more about how to save your marriage and prevent a divorce today! Click on this link today: Save Marriage or have a look at: How To Save A Marriage and learn what you can do to get your spouse back forever!


